[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
thought she was escaping a nightmare. Her head ached violently from the ringing in her ears, but through
the clash and clang she heard Radu gasp for breath, struggling as if to free himself from restraints. Laenea
reached for him, ignoring her racing heart. Her fingers slipped on his sweat. Thrashing, he flung her back.
Each breath was agony just to hear. Laenea grabbed his arm when he twisted again, held one wrist
down, seized his flailing hand, partially immobilized him, straddled his hips, held him.
"Radu!"
He did not respond. Laenea called his name again. She could feel his pulse through both wrists, feel his
heart as it pounded, too fast, too hard, irregular and violent.
"Radu!"
He cried out, a piercing and wordless scream.
She whispered his name, no longer even hoping for a response, in helplessness, hopelessness. He
shuddered beneath her hands.
He opened his eyes.
"What..."
Laenea remained where she was, leaning over him. He tried to lift his hand and she realized she was
still forcing his arms to the bed. She released him and sat back on her heels beside him. She, too, was
short of breath, and hypertensive to a dangerous degree.
Someone knocked softly on the bedroom door.
"Come in!"
One of the aides entered hesitantly. "Pilot? I thought-- Pardon me." She bowed and backed out.
"Wait-- you did right. Call a doctor immediately."
Radu pushed himself up on his elbows. "No, don't, there's nothing wrong."
The young aide glanced from Laenea to Radu and back to the pilot.
"Are you sure?" Laenea asked.
"Yes." He sat up. Sweat ran in heavy drops down his temples to the edge of his jaw. Laenea shivered
from the coolness of her own evaporating sweat.
"Never mind, then," Laenea said. "But thank you."
The aide departed.
"Gods, I thought you were having a heart attack." Her own heart was beginning to slow in rhythmically
varying rotation. She could feel the blood slow and quicken at her temples, in her throat. She clenched
her fists reflexively and felt her nails against her palms.
Radu shook his head. "It was a nightmare." His somber expression suddenly changed to a quick but
shaky grin. "Not illness. As you said-- we're never allowed this job if we're not healthy." He lay back,
hands behind his head, eyes closed. "I was climbing, I don't remember, a cliff or a tree. It collapsed or
broke and I fell-- a long way. I knew I was dreaming and I thought I'd wake up before I hit, but I fell into
a river." She heard him and remembered what he said, but knew she would have to make sense of the
words later. She remained kneeling and slowly unclenched her hands. Blood rushed through her like a
funneled tide, high, then low, and back again.
"It had a very strong current that swept me along and pulled me under. I couldn't see banks on either
side-- not even where I fell from. Logs and trash rushed along beside me and past me, but every time I
tried to hold on to something I'd almost be crushed. I got tireder and tireder and the water pulled me
under-- I needed a breath but I couldn't take one... have you felt the way the body tries to breathe when
you can't let it?"
She did not answer but her lungs burned, her muscles contracted convulsively, trying to clear a way for
the air to push its way in.
"Laenea-- " She felt him grasp her shoulders: she wanted to pull him closer, she wanted to push him
away. Then the change broke the compulsion of his words and she drew deep, searing breath.
"What-- ?"
"A... moment..." She managed, finally, to damp the sine-curve velocity of the pump within her. She
was shivering. Radu pulled a blanket around her. Laenea's control returned slowly, more slowly than any
other time she had lost it. She pulled the blanket closer, seeking stability more than warmth. She should
not slip like that: her biocontrol, to now, had always been as close to perfect as anything associated with
a biological system could be. But now she felt dizzy and high, hyperventilated, from the needless rush of
blood through her brain. She wondered how many millions of nerve cells had been destroyed.
She and Radu looked at each other in silence.
"Laenea..." He still spoke her name as if he were not sure he had the right to use it. "What's happening
to us?"
"Excitement-- " she said, and stopped. "An ordinary nightmare-- " She had never tried to deceive
herself before, and found she could not start now.
"It wasn't an ordinary nightmare. You always know you're going to be all right, no matter how
frightened you are. This time-- until I heard you calling me and felt you pulling me to the surface, I knew I
was going to die." [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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thought she was escaping a nightmare. Her head ached violently from the ringing in her ears, but through
the clash and clang she heard Radu gasp for breath, struggling as if to free himself from restraints. Laenea
reached for him, ignoring her racing heart. Her fingers slipped on his sweat. Thrashing, he flung her back.
Each breath was agony just to hear. Laenea grabbed his arm when he twisted again, held one wrist
down, seized his flailing hand, partially immobilized him, straddled his hips, held him.
"Radu!"
He did not respond. Laenea called his name again. She could feel his pulse through both wrists, feel his
heart as it pounded, too fast, too hard, irregular and violent.
"Radu!"
He cried out, a piercing and wordless scream.
She whispered his name, no longer even hoping for a response, in helplessness, hopelessness. He
shuddered beneath her hands.
He opened his eyes.
"What..."
Laenea remained where she was, leaning over him. He tried to lift his hand and she realized she was
still forcing his arms to the bed. She released him and sat back on her heels beside him. She, too, was
short of breath, and hypertensive to a dangerous degree.
Someone knocked softly on the bedroom door.
"Come in!"
One of the aides entered hesitantly. "Pilot? I thought-- Pardon me." She bowed and backed out.
"Wait-- you did right. Call a doctor immediately."
Radu pushed himself up on his elbows. "No, don't, there's nothing wrong."
The young aide glanced from Laenea to Radu and back to the pilot.
"Are you sure?" Laenea asked.
"Yes." He sat up. Sweat ran in heavy drops down his temples to the edge of his jaw. Laenea shivered
from the coolness of her own evaporating sweat.
"Never mind, then," Laenea said. "But thank you."
The aide departed.
"Gods, I thought you were having a heart attack." Her own heart was beginning to slow in rhythmically
varying rotation. She could feel the blood slow and quicken at her temples, in her throat. She clenched
her fists reflexively and felt her nails against her palms.
Radu shook his head. "It was a nightmare." His somber expression suddenly changed to a quick but
shaky grin. "Not illness. As you said-- we're never allowed this job if we're not healthy." He lay back,
hands behind his head, eyes closed. "I was climbing, I don't remember, a cliff or a tree. It collapsed or
broke and I fell-- a long way. I knew I was dreaming and I thought I'd wake up before I hit, but I fell into
a river." She heard him and remembered what he said, but knew she would have to make sense of the
words later. She remained kneeling and slowly unclenched her hands. Blood rushed through her like a
funneled tide, high, then low, and back again.
"It had a very strong current that swept me along and pulled me under. I couldn't see banks on either
side-- not even where I fell from. Logs and trash rushed along beside me and past me, but every time I
tried to hold on to something I'd almost be crushed. I got tireder and tireder and the water pulled me
under-- I needed a breath but I couldn't take one... have you felt the way the body tries to breathe when
you can't let it?"
She did not answer but her lungs burned, her muscles contracted convulsively, trying to clear a way for
the air to push its way in.
"Laenea-- " She felt him grasp her shoulders: she wanted to pull him closer, she wanted to push him
away. Then the change broke the compulsion of his words and she drew deep, searing breath.
"What-- ?"
"A... moment..." She managed, finally, to damp the sine-curve velocity of the pump within her. She
was shivering. Radu pulled a blanket around her. Laenea's control returned slowly, more slowly than any
other time she had lost it. She pulled the blanket closer, seeking stability more than warmth. She should
not slip like that: her biocontrol, to now, had always been as close to perfect as anything associated with
a biological system could be. But now she felt dizzy and high, hyperventilated, from the needless rush of
blood through her brain. She wondered how many millions of nerve cells had been destroyed.
She and Radu looked at each other in silence.
"Laenea..." He still spoke her name as if he were not sure he had the right to use it. "What's happening
to us?"
"Excitement-- " she said, and stopped. "An ordinary nightmare-- " She had never tried to deceive
herself before, and found she could not start now.
"It wasn't an ordinary nightmare. You always know you're going to be all right, no matter how
frightened you are. This time-- until I heard you calling me and felt you pulling me to the surface, I knew I
was going to die." [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]