[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
of Playboy and Hustler. The magazines were right there on the
floor, like he didn t care who saw them.
I took a drink of my beer. This is the worst job I ve ever
had, I said. The costume is unbelievable.
I leaned my head against the wall and shut my eyes. I was
drunk. Todd lifted my T-shirt up and felt for the clasp of my
bra. There was no shade on his window, and I was grateful that
his mattress was too low to be seen from outside. Todd wasn t
one for foreplay, unless you counted the frantic way he tore our
clothes off. I didn t mind. He still made my stomach drop when
he so much as looked at me. That was all that mattered.
Things started up between Todd and me a couple of days after
I got home from school. I was at a party in a newly built sec-
tion of Reston. Reston had a way of staying unfamiliar. You
could make a wrong turn a mile from your own home and get
hopelessly lost in the web of a new neighborhood that wasn t
there the last time you drove by. It wasn t uncommon to spot a
homeless deer bounding across someone s front yard, searching
for the vanishing woods.
TODD 227
Todd came up next to Carrie and Theresa and me while
Carrie was telling us about prom. Lyle had worn a purple tux-
edo shirt and gelled up his hair for the occasion, and Carrie s
mother still hadn t gotten over it. Instead of joining the con-
versation Todd leaned against the wall and stared at us as we
talked. When Todd finally opened his mouth it was only to ask
for a cigarette. He caught my eye for a second when I offered
him my pack, and I didn t look away.
An hour later he came up behind me and put his arms
around my waist as I climbed the stairs to the bathroom.
Is there somewhere we can go? I could feel his breath on
my neck.
I leaned into him, and he rubbed his hand back and forth
across my stomach. I arched my back so that the top of my head
pressed into his chest. Todd Wilson s hand on my stomach was
the most exhilarating thing I could remember happening to me
in a long time.
We found a bedroom that obviously belonged to the younger
sister of the guy who was having the party. The walls were
painted pink, and there was a queen-size canopy bed in the cen-
ter of the room. A bulletin board was covered with horseback
riding ribbons. Todd pulled a beat-up-looking switchblade out
of his jeans and tossed it aside before pressing me against the
pink carpet, which was littered with stuffed animals.
I think I ve pretty much wanted to have sex with you for,
like, years, I said when Todd was finished with me.
I would ve had sex with you before, he said. He was still
hovering over me. He smiled, and his right eye squinted shut.
Light from the hallway seeped in under the bedroom door,
making his pale skin look stony and unreal. He leaned down to
kiss me again and I got that cold feeling I liked.
228 POLLY
" " "
I ran into him at a Dag Nasty show two weeks later. We did it
in the back of my Subaru after watching the band from opposite
sides of the club. We d been hanging out almost every night
ever since, mostly at Todd s apartment. I didn t tell Mom and
William I was at Todd s, and they didn t ask.
Todd was roommates with Fred Paige. I hadn t seen Fred
since I d broken up with Joey. Fred worked the night shift at
the video store, so Todd and I usually had the apartment to
ourselves.
That s an interesting choice, Theresa said when I told her
about Todd and me. Theresa had a summer internship at an
abortion rights organization and a part-time night job at a record
store in D.C. I saw her only once every couple of weeks.
I mean, I can see doing it once obviously, but she said.
It s just for the summer, I said.
I can see why you like him, Theresa said. But be careful.
He s crazy.
It was the same with Carrie. He s hot and all, but Lyle says
he s a psycho, she said. I hope you don t want to double-date
or anything.
Don t worry about it, I said. The last thing I wanted was
a bunch of public outings with Todd. Lyle was right about him.
In high school he d punched a kid on the bus for a dollar. I d
TODD 229
heard another story about a skinhead punching him straight in
the mouth at a hardcore show, knocking him on his back. Blood
pouring from his mouth, Todd got up and kicked the skinhead
in the stomach before the bouncers got to them.
And it wasn t just the violent stories that made me think
Todd was crazy. It was everything. His squinty blue eyes were
creepy and vacant. He hadn t finished high school. He was
twenty-one, and already his driver s license had been taken
away. He was given to loud, drunken rants that didn t make
sense. He d spent more nights than he could count in jail. I
wanted everyone in Reston to know I was his girlfriend.
At first, my primary role at The Disney Store was as a greeter.
I stood at the store entrance for six hours at a stretch, startling
customers as they entered.
Hi! Welcome to The Disney Store!
I greeted for a month straight before I got promoted to the
cash register. I still had to greet two shifts a week, but I didn t
complain. I had aspirations of being full-time on the register, so
I wanted Jeffrey to like me. Running the cash register was the
best job in the store because time passed the fastest there.
I wondered if Jeffrey had ever met anyone like Todd Wil-
son, or if Todd had ever known anyone like Jeffrey. I couldn t
imagine many places more immune to the magic of Disney than
Todd s apartment.
The night Todd got fired from Circuit City he was even drunker
and madder than usual. He hadn t shown up for work in two
days, and they d fired him on his answering machine.
230 POLLY
They said I should have called in, Todd said. What if I
was too fucking sick to call in? Did anybody ever stop to think
about that? Did anybody so much as ask me?
I guess if you re that sick you re supposed to have someone
call in for you, I said.
Oh, so it s my fault now, Todd said. He stood up from
his mattress and walked across the hall to the bathroom. After
a minute I got up and followed him. He was peeing with the
door open.
It s not like you can t find another job, I said. There s a
lot of jobs you can get.
Todd zipped up his pants, flushed the toilet.
I guess you can t use anyone at Circuit City as a refer-
ence, though, I said. Maybe you could make something up.
You could say that your boss got fired right after you quit, and
you re not sure where he is.
Why don t you just shut up? Todd shouted.
I set my can of beer on the towel rack. I wanted to ask Todd
why he didn t show up for work for two days, if he took his
job so seriously.
He wasn t finished. You don t get it, he shouted. You can
just go ask your fucking parents if you don t have any fucking
money.
For your information, I happen to have a job, I said.
He pushed me so hard I fell over the side of the tub and hit
my head against the tile.
Fuck you, he said, and stalked out of the bathroom.
I struggled to untangle myself from the dirty shower curtain,
which was wrapped around my calves. My legs were half in the
tub and half out, and the back of my shirt was wet.
I pulled myself out of the tub, picked my beer off the towel
rack, and walked to the doorway of Todd s room. Todd was
kneeling in front of his boom box, rewinding a tape. The back
of my head throbbed, just above my neck.
TODD 231
I never want to see you again! I screamed. I threw my
beer, and it landed with a dull thud on the carpet beside him.
Beer spilled out onto the rug.
I turned and ran for the door. Fred was sitting on the couch
in the living room with his feet up on the coffee table. It was
his night off, and he was watching television. He didn t take his [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl ocenkijessi.opx.pl
of Playboy and Hustler. The magazines were right there on the
floor, like he didn t care who saw them.
I took a drink of my beer. This is the worst job I ve ever
had, I said. The costume is unbelievable.
I leaned my head against the wall and shut my eyes. I was
drunk. Todd lifted my T-shirt up and felt for the clasp of my
bra. There was no shade on his window, and I was grateful that
his mattress was too low to be seen from outside. Todd wasn t
one for foreplay, unless you counted the frantic way he tore our
clothes off. I didn t mind. He still made my stomach drop when
he so much as looked at me. That was all that mattered.
Things started up between Todd and me a couple of days after
I got home from school. I was at a party in a newly built sec-
tion of Reston. Reston had a way of staying unfamiliar. You
could make a wrong turn a mile from your own home and get
hopelessly lost in the web of a new neighborhood that wasn t
there the last time you drove by. It wasn t uncommon to spot a
homeless deer bounding across someone s front yard, searching
for the vanishing woods.
TODD 227
Todd came up next to Carrie and Theresa and me while
Carrie was telling us about prom. Lyle had worn a purple tux-
edo shirt and gelled up his hair for the occasion, and Carrie s
mother still hadn t gotten over it. Instead of joining the con-
versation Todd leaned against the wall and stared at us as we
talked. When Todd finally opened his mouth it was only to ask
for a cigarette. He caught my eye for a second when I offered
him my pack, and I didn t look away.
An hour later he came up behind me and put his arms
around my waist as I climbed the stairs to the bathroom.
Is there somewhere we can go? I could feel his breath on
my neck.
I leaned into him, and he rubbed his hand back and forth
across my stomach. I arched my back so that the top of my head
pressed into his chest. Todd Wilson s hand on my stomach was
the most exhilarating thing I could remember happening to me
in a long time.
We found a bedroom that obviously belonged to the younger
sister of the guy who was having the party. The walls were
painted pink, and there was a queen-size canopy bed in the cen-
ter of the room. A bulletin board was covered with horseback
riding ribbons. Todd pulled a beat-up-looking switchblade out
of his jeans and tossed it aside before pressing me against the
pink carpet, which was littered with stuffed animals.
I think I ve pretty much wanted to have sex with you for,
like, years, I said when Todd was finished with me.
I would ve had sex with you before, he said. He was still
hovering over me. He smiled, and his right eye squinted shut.
Light from the hallway seeped in under the bedroom door,
making his pale skin look stony and unreal. He leaned down to
kiss me again and I got that cold feeling I liked.
228 POLLY
" " "
I ran into him at a Dag Nasty show two weeks later. We did it
in the back of my Subaru after watching the band from opposite
sides of the club. We d been hanging out almost every night
ever since, mostly at Todd s apartment. I didn t tell Mom and
William I was at Todd s, and they didn t ask.
Todd was roommates with Fred Paige. I hadn t seen Fred
since I d broken up with Joey. Fred worked the night shift at
the video store, so Todd and I usually had the apartment to
ourselves.
That s an interesting choice, Theresa said when I told her
about Todd and me. Theresa had a summer internship at an
abortion rights organization and a part-time night job at a record
store in D.C. I saw her only once every couple of weeks.
I mean, I can see doing it once obviously, but she said.
It s just for the summer, I said.
I can see why you like him, Theresa said. But be careful.
He s crazy.
It was the same with Carrie. He s hot and all, but Lyle says
he s a psycho, she said. I hope you don t want to double-date
or anything.
Don t worry about it, I said. The last thing I wanted was
a bunch of public outings with Todd. Lyle was right about him.
In high school he d punched a kid on the bus for a dollar. I d
TODD 229
heard another story about a skinhead punching him straight in
the mouth at a hardcore show, knocking him on his back. Blood
pouring from his mouth, Todd got up and kicked the skinhead
in the stomach before the bouncers got to them.
And it wasn t just the violent stories that made me think
Todd was crazy. It was everything. His squinty blue eyes were
creepy and vacant. He hadn t finished high school. He was
twenty-one, and already his driver s license had been taken
away. He was given to loud, drunken rants that didn t make
sense. He d spent more nights than he could count in jail. I
wanted everyone in Reston to know I was his girlfriend.
At first, my primary role at The Disney Store was as a greeter.
I stood at the store entrance for six hours at a stretch, startling
customers as they entered.
Hi! Welcome to The Disney Store!
I greeted for a month straight before I got promoted to the
cash register. I still had to greet two shifts a week, but I didn t
complain. I had aspirations of being full-time on the register, so
I wanted Jeffrey to like me. Running the cash register was the
best job in the store because time passed the fastest there.
I wondered if Jeffrey had ever met anyone like Todd Wil-
son, or if Todd had ever known anyone like Jeffrey. I couldn t
imagine many places more immune to the magic of Disney than
Todd s apartment.
The night Todd got fired from Circuit City he was even drunker
and madder than usual. He hadn t shown up for work in two
days, and they d fired him on his answering machine.
230 POLLY
They said I should have called in, Todd said. What if I
was too fucking sick to call in? Did anybody ever stop to think
about that? Did anybody so much as ask me?
I guess if you re that sick you re supposed to have someone
call in for you, I said.
Oh, so it s my fault now, Todd said. He stood up from
his mattress and walked across the hall to the bathroom. After
a minute I got up and followed him. He was peeing with the
door open.
It s not like you can t find another job, I said. There s a
lot of jobs you can get.
Todd zipped up his pants, flushed the toilet.
I guess you can t use anyone at Circuit City as a refer-
ence, though, I said. Maybe you could make something up.
You could say that your boss got fired right after you quit, and
you re not sure where he is.
Why don t you just shut up? Todd shouted.
I set my can of beer on the towel rack. I wanted to ask Todd
why he didn t show up for work for two days, if he took his
job so seriously.
He wasn t finished. You don t get it, he shouted. You can
just go ask your fucking parents if you don t have any fucking
money.
For your information, I happen to have a job, I said.
He pushed me so hard I fell over the side of the tub and hit
my head against the tile.
Fuck you, he said, and stalked out of the bathroom.
I struggled to untangle myself from the dirty shower curtain,
which was wrapped around my calves. My legs were half in the
tub and half out, and the back of my shirt was wet.
I pulled myself out of the tub, picked my beer off the towel
rack, and walked to the doorway of Todd s room. Todd was
kneeling in front of his boom box, rewinding a tape. The back
of my head throbbed, just above my neck.
TODD 231
I never want to see you again! I screamed. I threw my
beer, and it landed with a dull thud on the carpet beside him.
Beer spilled out onto the rug.
I turned and ran for the door. Fred was sitting on the couch
in the living room with his feet up on the coffee table. It was
his night off, and he was watching television. He didn t take his [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]